The Cullen's New Home
by TwihardTwilighter
Summary: This is my shared fanfic with ummmm26. The Cullens move to Japan and have silly messed up adventures! Rated H for hillarious.... pleaz read this. I know the summary sucks but I promise that the story doesn't. Pretty pleaz with an Edward on top!
1. Chapter 1

**AN- This is my shared fanfic with my friend ummmm26. I hope you like it. Be sure to review on both accounts. Um…. Here it is! Bella is still human in this story.**

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BPOV

"BELLA! BELLA, WAKE UP, BELLA!!!!" Emmett yelled. I groaned. "Shut up and go away, Emmett. I _need_ my sleep." Yesterday I tried staying awake all night just like vampires do, but I totally crashed at 4 in the morning. I glanced at the clock. It was 8:30 and I still needed to sleep.

"Aww come on, lazy butt! You have to start packing! WE'RE GOING TO JAPAN!"

"WHAT?!" That woke me up.

"Yeah! Carlisle's like totally insisting we move out of here because you know, we've lived here for like seven years and all...." he rambled.

"Whoa whoa whoa! Umm...what about Charlie? Didn't he say anything?"

"Charlie's okay with it as long as you visit," Jasper said, coming into the room.

My head was spinning. "Where's Edward?"

"Chill. He's out hunting. We leave tonight, though," Emmett said, now chewing on potato chips.

"I thought you hated human food?"

"Yeah. We have too much of it in the house. I'm finishing it off for you guys," he looked out the door. "Look, Eddie's back!"

"Hi Bella, love." my beautiful fiancée said.

"I'm going to go pack. Wanna come?" Edward asked.

"Sure, let's go." I replied and he carried me to his room

Alice already packed for me so I was left with nothing to do. So I laid down on Edward's bed and watched him pack. He didn't pack that much except a few of his favorite CDs, a couple books, and stuff like a toothbrush and comb. After seeing what Edward had packed, I went to check what Alice had packed for me. It was a rather small backpack so I figured that she had pack most of the stuff that Edward packed but boy was I wrong. All she packed was a note that said, "Edward will pack your books and toothbrush and stuff. And I bet you wanna know why everybody only packed a little is..... we're gonna go shopping!!!!!! First, we're going to go pick a house, then, we're gonna check in at the hotel, and then it's shopping time. Carlisle already got a job there and it pays about 20x's more than his job in Forks. This is going to be awesome!!! Luv ya... -Alice" I read the note one more time before I realized one thing. Shopping. And shopping. And did I mention shopping? No, I didn't? Okay, shopping! Alice was going to give me the "wonderful" barbie doll experience. Great."Ready to go?" asked Esme. Everybody nodded. "Okay then, let's go."The plane wasn't so bad, especially with Edward close to me, holding me. He gave me a quick peck on my forehead. Then, as always, Emmett ruined our perfect moment. "When we get there, can everybody call me ninja em?" Emmett asked. We all said no. "Then can I have a purple pony?" he pleaded. We all said no. Everybody was getting annoyed by Emmett, except Edward. He completely ignored Emmett and continued to hold me and started to play with my hair. It was a very long plane ride, especially since Emmett kept asking a bunch of really annoying questions. When we got to the airport everybody was so happy. No more wrath of Emmett."Time to go choose the house! And shop. Alice convinced me and Esme to buy all of our clothes here. Since we have too many people in our family, we'll have to ride in separate taxis. I'll ride with Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett and Edward will ride with Bella, Alice, and Jasper." said Carlisle in a strained voice. That was probably because he had to sit by Emmett. This gave me an idea....APOVRight when I got into the taxi and told the cab driver where to go, I saw a vision of Emmett getting attacked by ninjas at night. But then Edward grinned and Bella told us, "I wanna get back at Emmett for the horrible trip here... any ideas?" Bella asked. I was about to tell Bella what I saw when meany Eddie told her first. "Alice saw a vision of me, Jasper, and her sneaking into Emmett's room while Rosalie and him are having... Um... Ya know. Anyway, we are going to sneak into his room dressed up as ninjas and scare the heck out of him." Edward told Jazz and Bells. Then he faced me. "And don't call me Eddie." I pulled my face into a pout and we sat there until the cab driver found the spot. Esme found one house in particular on the internet that she wanted. I already saw a vision that she would buy it so there wasn't really a point.

"Let's just buy it, wait for the people to move out, and we can skip the hotel. And while we wait... let's go SHOPPING!" I said as soon as Esme said she wanted it. Everybody groaned. "Great." Bella said. Why can't anybody just appreciate clothes! Edward laughed. I glared at him. "Let's go!" Esme said. On the way to the mall, we were all silent. When we got to the mall, we raced to the first clothing store we could fine. I chose all of Bella's, Edward's, Jasper's and my clothing while Rosalie chose Emmett's clothes. I could trust Carlisle and Esme to find their own outfits and Rosalie to choose Emmett's and her clothes. Bella had no taste in fashion, and Jasper was my husband. I trust Edward to choose by himself too, but he was being mean, so I wanted to annoy him. We took a little more then 6 hours to shop, but when we were done, we had enough clothes to fill 8 U-Hauls.

"Okay, we're done with shopping, now let's go to our house and get settled in." Esme said. we all climbed into the cab. We seriously need a car.

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**AN- Ya, I know that the format is kinda suckish but it's the quality that counts! I hope you review and that you liked the chapter. It's kinda short, both me and ummmm26 agree.... Next one will hopefully be longer. Do you like the story so far? Give us suggestions in your reviews! And we won't post another chapter until we get at least 10 reviews combined. So if you want us to keep writing, review on both! I don't know if she posted it yet though, becuz last time i checked, she was at valley fair. But be patient. I am also working on a bunch of other fanfics too. I'm working on another twilight/japan fanfic, except it's all mine, not shared. so REVEW!!!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN- IM MAD!!! IVE GONE MAD! YOU GUYZ NEED TO REVIEW! AND IF YOU DONT THEN IM GOING TO GET EVEN MADDER! OKAY THEN, THIS CHAPTER IS CALLED "THE BIG PRANK". ENJOY!**

Bella POV

We were standing in front of the biggest, most expensive Japanese house ever.

"T-this is ours?" I asked in disbelief.

Edward smiled his crooked smile. I felt weak when he did that. "Yup," he replied.

"Ugh! Let's stop staring at it and go in!" Emmett yelled. Maybe after hundreds of years of being a vampire, _someone_ still needed a nap to stop being cranky.

"Okay, come on," I said as Edward and I unlocked the door for everyone. I turned around and saw Emmett still standing there pouting.

"What?" I asked.

"What's my name?" he asked.

I sighed. Who knew immortals could be this annoying? "Come on, _ninja Em_," I said.

"Okay, Bella!" He smiled and walked inside with us and everyone else followed.

We looked around the house. There were only two pieces of furniture; a coffee table and a couch. Esme was going to enjoy decorating the rest of it.

Jasper sat down and let out a content sigh. He wasn't tired, so i didn't know why he did that. My dear vampires stood there for I think it was an hour and no one moved or spoke. I wonder what everyone was thinking about. I wasn't able to do that for even a minute, so I sat down and dozed off.

I was shaken awake by my true love.

"Bella," he whispered, his breath cool on my face. I reached up to kiss him, but he chuckled and put his hand over my mouth. I was hurt by the rejection, but Edward's face looked excited. I was confused and he could plainly see it written on my face.

"Jasper and Alice are in our room. We have to get our ninja outfits ready. Carlisle and Esme are out shopping for furniture and...Emmett and Rose are doing exactly what they're supposed to be doing." He smiled slyly and it scared me a little. Then, he cringed. "Eww, I just grossed myself out."

I laughed. "Come on, grossward," I teased.

We got up and headed upstairs as quietly as we could to get ready for our funniest prank yet.

While _Ninja Em _and Rose were... um... you know, Alice, Jasper, and Edward were getting the ninja stuff ready and preparing for the prank.

"Okay, here's the plan. Alice says that they will be done doing 'you know what' in about 15 minutes. Then they will just be unpacking and stuff. That's when we attack. We'll climb through their window, and attack with our ninja swords. I know this is kinda wimpy, but this will just be the beginning..." Jasper said, his face in a evil grin that made me scared of what they were going to do next.

It was about 15 minutes later now. We were waiting just above their window, getting ready to spring.

"Ready. Set. NINJA!!" yelled Jasper. We sprang into there room with our swords held high. It was quite funny. Rosalie just started laughing, while Emmett started screaming, took a sword on the wall and started swinging it everywhere. Alice took the first lunge toward Emmett, right in the ... wrong spot. He yelled in pain and threw himself at her, only to miss and land flat on the floor. The whole house shook, as he started cussing. We fought for about 5 minutes until Ninja Em surrendered and admitted that he wasn't a ninja. Then we took off our masks and started laughing at him.

"I thought you guys were my friends. Edward, you should say goodbye to your Volvo. And Alice, poor you should say your goodbyes to your porche. I'M TELLING MOMMY!!!" Emmett screamed. That made us laugh even harder. Edward and Alice didn't look at all worried. Then, Carlisle and Esme (dressed up as ninjas of course) came through the window and lunged at Emmett. We were in hysterics!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Emmett screamed. "I WILL GET MY RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEENNNNNNNNGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

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EmPOV

Rosalie was in the shower as I waited patiently on the bed. We had a little bit of fun in bed and now we were cleaning up. Japanese cartoony thingys are way cooler than the ones back home. Good bye to barney, hello to digimon!

Rosalie came out and i took my turn in the shower. The warm water felt nice on my ice cold skin. I started humming the pokemon theme song in the shower until i got out, and went to watch tv.

I was right in the middle of the part when Sailer Moon broke up with her boyfriend when i heard something come in from my window..............

It sounded like, "Betty. Net. JINGA!!"

I swirled around to see four black figures holding shining, pointy swords. NINJAS!!! They were probably talking in ninjanese!! My first reaction was horror. Rosalie started laughing. _Laughing._ What was so funny?

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!" I screamed. Thy were here to tear me apart and burn my remains! I had to protect my woman. I turned around to see a sword on the wall. I took it and started showing off my awesome moves.

The short ninja took a step forward, twirled her sword, and hit it right on the spot.

"EEEEEEEEEEE!!" I started yelling. I thought I could take her out by doing a body slam, but she moved out of the way and I landed on the floor. The house rumbled.

"S**t, what the ****?!" I cussed out loud.

I tried body slamming the vulunerable one, but one of the taller ones got in my way. He growled, I think.

Five minutes later, they had me beat and I was on the floor looking up at them. If I didn't surrender, I'd get killed. Here in Japan, by ninjas, with my Rose watching. **** it.

"I guess I'm not much of a ninja after all! Please spare me!" I cried.

I was enraged when they took off their masks. Alice? Jasper? Bella? _Edward? _Since when did that nerd prank people? They started laughing at me and Rosalie, who was laughing while I was trying to keep her alive from these "ninjas", burst into louder giggles. I was choked up with anger, but I finally spoke. Well, screamed.

"I thought you guys were my friends. Edward, you should say goodbye to your Volvo. And Alice, poor you should say your goodbyes to your porche. I'M TELLING MOMMY!!!"

They started laughing even harder. I didn't think that was possible. Just then, two more ninjas lunged into the room from the window.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WILL GET MY RRRRRREEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVVEEEEEEENNNNNNNNGGGGGGEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!"

**YAY! YOU READ IT! NOW REVIEW! SORRY.... I WANT TEN! NOW DO IT!**


	3. Chapter 3

EmPOV

I was thinking about my revenge, when....um.......what was I thinking about again? Oh well, whatever. Anyway, today is our first day of school! Alice was super nervous for school, but I don't know why. Edward said that it was one of her visions, but I think he's lying to me..... Waaahhh! Why do I have such a mean brother! He's always been mean to me. Just because I don't have a wicked awesome power of my own. What a meanie!

I got ready in inhuman speed and made out with Rose a little, then stepped out to meet the rest of the meanies. We were all driving to school together and I wasn't going to talk to Edward ever again in my whole existence. Yes, that meant forever. My attention span is pretty short if I do say so myself, so I didn't remember about Alice and assembly until we reached the school. Why the heck wasn't anyone telling me what was going on?!! UGH! They didn't have to use their smartitude against me!

Hmph. I'm going to change my last name. I'm not Emmett Cullen anymore. I'm Emmett...Jonas? Obama? Ah, let's face it. Nothing sounds better than Emmett Cullen. Curse them all. I huffed out an annoyed sigh as I walked behind Bella. Dang, that chick is slow. I pushed her a little so she would speed up, but she fell over and Edward gave me the death stare. Like it was my fault his girlfriend was weaker than normal! Edward growled at my thought and walked in between us. He was such an overprotecting mom. I smiled real big so he knew I'd thought that on purpose.

"What the heck are you guys doing?" Bella asked.

"Nothing."

"Okay..."

I really was sorry for hurting Bella, so I swooped down to grab her in a bear hug, but she couldn't breathe.

"EMMETT! GET YOUR HANDS OFF OF MY FUTURE WIFE OR SO HELP ME I WILL RIP YOU INTO SHREDS!" Edward almost screeched.

I started laughing uncontrollably and Alice and Rosalie just walked off as if I was the most immature person they had ever seen. I take pride in that. Vampires are all cold and serious and never see the bright side of living forever. I, for one, was not like that, so they should have been more thankful.

We walked into the office and the principal looked really strict. She had her hair tied back in a bun and seemed pretty...oh, what's the word... sophisticated! Yes! At least I remember _some_ of the words from the dictionary I crammed into my head at the last minute! Anyway, she handed us a big pack of navy blue clothing. Rose looked at it and grimaced, but she took her pile from my hands. Edward, Jasper, Bella, and I grabbed ours with no repulsiveness, but Alice looked down at hers in shock.

"We have to wear... UNIFORMS?!"

Alice's POV

"WHAT!!! WE HAVE TO WEAR FRICKEN UNIFORMS!!!!! THEY GOTTA BE CRAZY IF THEY WANNA CONVINCE ALICE BRANDON CULLEN TO WEAR THAT UGLY CRAP!" I screeched! They gotta be kidding! I went to the ladies room and took out my phone..... CALLING ESME CULLEN (MOMMY).

Esme's POV

I was working on the new zen garden for our house when my phone rang. I looked at the caller ID. It was Alice. I picked up the phone.

"Hey, honey," I said, smiling. Even though she wasn't really my daughter, I felt so motherly towards her. Not to mention the little charade we had to keep up for the human society helped strengthen the odd relationship even more.

"Mommmmyyyy..." Alice sobbed without tears. Who on earth could make Alice Cullen cry?

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked tensely.

"Mommy...they're making us...they're making us..."

"They're making you what, dear?"

"They...we...UNIFORMS! Oh Esme, why? WHY??" she cried even louder. So this was the problem? Even after a few centuries of being a vampire, nothing could change Alice's materialistic personality. Oh, what pain she must have been going through!

"Oh, honey, why don't you try them out? They might be okay if you give them a chance."

"NO!!!!!!!!!" she screeched. I held the phone away from my ear.

"I will not try something as...as...sinful as those uniforms!"

"Then I'm afraid I can't do anything for you, Alice. I'm sorry. Talk to the principal or something, or put on the uniform. I'm sure you'll do the right thing."

"Mom! Don't hang up! MOM!"

I shut off the phone, hoping I didn't offend her too much. I had to hang up. She would do the right thing on her own. I knew she would. Meanwhile, I tended to my beautiful zen garden! Ah, what a lovely place Japan is.

Bella POV

"No! I will _not_ come out!"

"Alice. First hour is going to start in a few minutes. You need to come out or we'll be late on our first day of school," Jasper said, trying to get his emotions to provoke her. It never worked on Alice. She felt too strongly about everything.

"This is what my vision was about. I promised myself I wouldn't let it come true!"

"Come on, Alice, it can't be that bad," I said, banging my head against the wall. She was going to kill my perfect student record. Edward zoomed up behind me and stopped my head.

"Don't do that. You'll hurt yourself."

I smiled and leaned into his chest, breathing in his Edward-y smell.

"Yeah. Alright. You don't need to do that in front of us," said a pissed-off Emmett. "ALICE, YOU FRICKIN COME OUT OR I'LL COME IN THERE AND BREAK THE BATHROOM STALL!" he bellowed, frustrated.

"You'd go into the girls' bathroom?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

Edward laughed. "He's Emmett. He'll take any challenge no matter how embarrassing it is."

"I'm up for a bet," he grinned, "if Alice gets out."

"Come on, Alice," I said. "Don't you want to see Emmett make a fool out of himself?"

"Yes," she said, sounding interested. She came out slowly, not looking at us.

"You look fine," Jasper and Edward said.

"See? That wasn't so bad, eh, sis?" Emmett said, slapping her back. She glared at him and he backed away.

"So the bet is on," Jasper said mischievously. It was funny coming from a usually mature vampire.

"Cool. I go into the girls' bathroom and come out without anyone noticing, I get to have you guys as my slaves.

"If you don't," Alice added, now feeling better, "then you have to convince mom and dad to drop me out of school!

"Okay here goes nothing." Emmet said, and burst into the girls bathroom

Random Girl's POV

I was applying some bubble gum lip gloss and doing my hair, when the bathroom door burst open. I looked, to see a guy there, smiling, then frowning, then in between. The people behind him were laughing, and I heard one of them yell, "YOU LOST, WE WON, YOU SUCK, WE ROCK!" I screamed, grabbed my purse, and whacked him with it.  
"Stop it, that tickles!" He said, I kept slapping him with my purse. How the heck does it tickle? For the next whack, I used all of my strength to hit him, and it kinda worked. He lurched back, but then I realized it was because the people behind him pulled him back. That's when I saw him. He was holding an ugly looking girl, and I envied her so bad. He had beautiful bronze hair, and god-like perfection. His laugh was the most precious thing in the world.


End file.
